Disability Retirement for Bipolar Disorder

I've been working on my disability retirement application lately.  I am applying for disability retirement from the Federal Government through the Federal Employee Retirement System (FERS).  My medical reason for retirement is bipolar disorder.

Early Consideration

I first considered FERS disability retirement (not to be confused with social security disability) probably ten years ago.  It was after my second visit by Mr. Mania.  I had managed to get myself on administrative leave for several months.  So, while I sat in my backyard and watched the grass grow, I began to contemplate how my disability affected my job.

Upon return to work I watched as the depression came on and settled in for a couple of years.  This deep and intrusive bipolar depression was making work unbearable at times.  Again I would wonder if my ability to work was compromised enough that I should look at disability retirement.

In the end however, I decided I could make it work.  I made it through that depression episode and became high functioning for many years, until recently.

Today's Perspective

After observing my last manic meltdown at work I have reconsidered my employment situation.  I now believe (most of the time) I am not entirely capable of managing my illness in such a way that will keep me continuously high functioning at my current job.

I need work that is structured differently.  I need the ability to work independently on a task by task basis.  I need to be able to work when well, which doesn't necessarily fit today's 9 to 5 paradigm (although that is changing).  My wellness and ability to function changes during the day and from day to day.

When I'm high functioning I can do a full week's worth of work, but just not in the regular work week routine.  I would benefit greatly if I had the ability to start and stop work as needed.

Future

The future depends a lot on whether I am approved for disability retirement.  Since I'm still putting together my application, it will be several months before I know.

Meanwhile, I am considering work alternatives.  This isn't going well.  I struggle to find something that is both seemingly worthwhile and sustainable from an illness management perspective.  My depression is obscuring things that would otherwise be liked or enjoyable. What a pisser.