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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Bright and Sunny Bipolar Afternoon

Ah, it's feeling like spring here in Southern California today.  It's a sunny afternoon without a cloud in the sky.  This has me in a light and jovial mood.  

My depression mutes much of the good mood.  I know it won't last forever.  But I'm certainly not complaining!

Anyway, I thought I'd find some things to laugh about and have done just that.  Here is some funny bipolar stuff I found from around the web.  Hope you enjoy! 

(1) You know you have bipolar disorder when:
  • You can identify medication in the dark merely by shaking the container;
  • Your drugs help you achieve reality, not escape from it; and
  • You know more about mood disorders than your physician, yet still question your bipolar diagnosis.
(2) You know you have bipolar depression when:
  • You have been told to “just snap out of it!” more than 3 times today already;
  • Your "not talking" becomes the reason others want your antidepressant dose increased; and
  • Instead of looking at the weather in the morning, you stay in bed, read about moon phases, work on your mood chart, count meds remaining until refill, and .

(3) You know you have bipolar mania when: 

  • Your pharmacist (who you have on speed dial) stops trying to explain side effects of your meds, and starts asking you for information; 
  • You can recite half of Homer’s Iliad and your bank account numbers, but can’t remember where you put your keys, car, or drivers license; and
  • It's February and you’ve already spent the entire year’s budget.

After getting settled down for their first appointment the psychiatrist made the innocent mistake of asking the acutely manic patient how he was doing overall.  The excited individual replied, "I am fine.  I have bipolar disorder but I'm not crazy.  Crazy?  I was crazy once.  They put me in a room strapped to a chair in the middle.  That bugged me.  Bugs?  I hate bugs.  They drive me crazy!  Crazy?  I was crazy once.  But now I'm on seven psychiatric medications.  I take medication three times a day.  This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have.  Do you know how that feels?  It drives me crazy!  Crazy?  I was crazy once. . ." 

A psychopath may think that 2 + 2 = 5 and could care less.  The neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 and worries day and night.

After the acutely manic individual became relaxed and settled on the couch, the psychiatrist began the first therapy session. 
"I'm not aware of your problem." the doctor said.  "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."   
"Of course." replied the patient.  "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

In a deep depression the patient says, "Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate.  One minute I'm fine, and the next I'm blank!
Doctor asks, "Well, how long have you had this symptom?
Patient replies, "What symptom?"

Two psychologists were silently walking down the hall together.  One turned to the other and said, "Hello, how are you?"  Immediately the other thought, "What does he mean by that?  I hate when he uses psychology on me." 

If you are in a bipolar mania and want to avoid another 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hospitalization), then be careful what you tell emergency officials.  It is best to be selectively obscure, with clarity and sincerity when answering questions from police, emergency personnel, and mental health workers.  This will cloud their ability to recognize that you are delusional.

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."  Some town members were concerned that the sign was too formal and proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors."  Both doctors quickly disagreed and proposed the catchy phrase "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."  The town's mental health advocates felt this would be politically incorrect and suggested "Catatonics and High Colonics."  As soon as the controversy hit the papers thoughtful suggestions began rolling in: "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives", "Minds and Behinds", "Lost Souls and Assholes", "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", and "Loons and Moons."  Finally, after considerable debate they decided it would be "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." 


1. Thou shalt not worship the bipolar condition.
2. Thou shalt not obsess over dangerous things, people, and places when severely manic or depressed.
3. Thou shalt not doubt, feign interest, or blame the holy chemical imbalance theory
4. Remember the ritual of taking your psych meds.
5. Thou shalt honor and not manipulate family or friends.
6. Thou shalt not kill or beat up anyone while in a manic fit, no matter how much ye really want to, or how much they deserve it.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery unless in a manic state.
8. Thou shalt not throw and break stuff that does not belong to thee.
9. Thou shalt allow others to occasionally get a word in edgewise.
10. Thou shalt not covet other people's attention nor send crazy e-mails at odd hours of the night.

Do you have any good bipolar or mental health jokes?  If so, please comment here or you can send it to me at  

Added 3-17-12.  A son and his father are traveling on the interstate.  There is a bad accident.  Both need medical attention.  The father, a schizophrenic, gets taken to a nearby mental hospital.  The son, believed to have early onset bipolar with schizoaffective tendency, was taken much further to a mental hospital for children.  The physician enters the room to attend to the boy and says, "I can't treat this child, he is my son!"  How is this possible?

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