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Friday, August 10, 2012

Bipolar or Not, Things Keep Moving

If you read my blog much you know I went into a not-so-good manic state from mid-May through the beginning of July. One consequence of the "fall out" from the manic period is that I have not been writing posts and doing "the blog thing" like I had been.

Well, I'm not out of the woods for sure, but I want you to know I'm trying my best. I've been battling depression since the last manic episode ended. It came on just as fast as the mania departed.

I have been battling all sorts of contrived stories and lies I unwittingly tell myself.   The thought distortions are present in every area of my life but they are particularly nasty in the realm of blogging. I say things to myself like:

  • your not a blogger since you aren't posting much and keeping up with the issues;
  • don't bother learning new information and things about bipolar disorder because your depressed mind won't absorb the material anyway; and
  • your posts take too long to write and therefore you are not able to produce enough content to make your blog worthwhile.
Pretty crappy thinking, right. Well, it takes its toll and also makes for a self fulfilling prophesy.

So, I'm writing this post to directly rebuke those evil negative thoughts. And here's what's happening:
  • I am writing this post in the face of bad thoughts present;
  • I am reading other bipolar blogs and web sites regardless that the negative thoughts say I can't process the information; and 
  • I am publishing this post in one sitting, without all the links, labels, images, hyperlinks, perfect word usage, grammar, and scrutiny I normally give each post.
Well guess what? I'm done with this post! It's not perfect but its done. It feels good just to get this off my chest. I am taking direct action to stop those evil, negative, automatic thoughts in their tracks. This was a good exercise for me. 

Perhaps someone reading this will become motivated to get past their own negative thoughts and take action on something that is bothering them. Perhaps.


  1. Hello Jeff,
    Today is Sunday the 26th and I just read your blog for the first time. I was roaming as I have been doing lately trying to get through this latest slough through my depression. I am bipolar as well and have been depressed for about 4 months now. I can honestly say I miss being manic badly like a drug I can’t get. I rarely leave my place anymore and even take my masters classes online now. I so miss how much more creative, clever and fun I am when I am cycling up into mania. I just feel like I am living a half life at this point. So I guess you could say I know how you are feeling as I have been here before and here I am yet again. In spite of my situation I am hopeful because what goes down will go back up again it is the nature of bipolar. I do the best I can, get up every day, shower and go through with living my life till things begin to get better. I hope you are doing the same and wish you well. Your blog in fact made me smile a big thing for me as of late. I also agree no matter where we are in the cycle of our bipolar life will go on with or without us best to participate as much as we can till we get back on track. I also always try to do what my first psychiatrist used to tell me to do Fake it till you make it.
    With Fond Regards and Best Wishes, Sara

  2. Hi Sara - So good to hear your words! My mood fish is going from gray back to green where it was earlier in the morning. It's good to remember that things will return to days of increasingly better moods:) I JUST CAN'T WAIT SOMETIMES. I think your attitude and persistence are strong helpers for you. I'm sleeping way too much lately. Please come back and comment again. You inspired me! Until next time, Jeff

  3. Hello Jeff,
    You inspired me also thank you for that. I think for most of us living with bipolar we do this essentially alone. My bipolar is my biggest secret I keep from the world only a select few know about my darkest secret. I hate the perception people have of those of us with a mental illness that I might just snap and start shooting up the place or have a fatal attraction moment LOL! I have to use humor in all of this it helps make the bad days bearable and I enjoy the good days this way so much more. I also know the feeling of waking up every day waiting and hoping for the little signs or signals that my mood is improving, very frustrating. When I am depressed all I want to do is sleep or lay around even small things seem herculean in the attempt. I pride myself lately that I am keeping up with my classes, keeping up on things that need to be done and my all important rule of eating and showering LOL! I have read many blogs and boards over the years and rarely can think of much in response that would seem to be of any import to anyone, I am glad you were pleased with what I had to say or at least knew where I was coming from. I hope today is a better day for you. With Fond Regards, Sara

  4. Hi again! I agree with all you write. We are ultimately alone (unless you are with God but that's a totally separate topic) in this struggle to get her done. More importantly, we are ultimately responsible for (1) getting appropriate help during acute and/or dangerous states (e.g., hospitalization for severe suicidal ideation); (2) remaining stable once we are stabilized; (3) managing a plethora of idiosyncratic symptoms and psychmed adverse effects; (4) achieving symptom remission (a.k.a. rehabilitated), and finally, (5) being in good health and maintaining wellness. That's a tall order for anyone: normal, unusual, abnormal, paranormal, sane, or whatever!

    Geez, feel like I'm writing a blog post here LOL. I'm cutting into my eating and showering time;)

    I strive to remember always that hope, change, and right intention will make good things happen. This happen every day.

    Take care,