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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Reflecting on Mom

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death.  She died January 2, 2010 from cancer.  It started in her lungs and then spread very rapidly throughout the body.  By the time the doctor's figured things out it was too late.

The loss of anyone's mom is devastating.  It has taken me a long time to process her death.  At first I was angry at the health care system and her doctors.  Why didn't they take a more aggressive approach toward treatment?  It seemed as if they were dragging their feet while the cancer ate away at her.

Now anytime I see something about moms or cancer I immediately reflect back to her dying days.  She was in the hospital for less than a month.  They were doing all they could just to keep her alive.  There was not enough time left for even the most aggressive treatment.

The loss of my mom was a double blow for me.  Not only was she my mom and dear to me, but she was a critical part of my mental wellness team.  I could call her any day or night and she would be right there ready to talk about anything.  She was like a therapist and available seven day a week .

Fortunately, my family and friends are very supportive, understanding, and do what they can to help.  I am very grateful for that.

My sister put a picture of my mom and my niece on facebook in memory of her.  I looked at it yesterday morning and cried.  I very rarely cry, but couldn't hold this back.

In memory of mom my sister and I went to In-n-Out burger yesterday.  That was her favorite.  We reminisced about the past, talked about childhood, and shared stories we remembered.  We went by the house we grew up in and drove around the old neighborhood.

When I think of her I try to remember all the good things about her and the joy she brought into the world.  It's better to focus on the life rather than the death.

I don't know what else to say.  Life is tough on many levels.  For most of us we have an added layer of difficulty living with bipolar disorder.  I hope you are managing any difficulties in your own life well.  God bless.


  1. Sorry to hear that you're upset about your mom. She sounds like she was a great support for you. Let me hear from you. How are things going?

  2. Hey there Wayne. I've been stuck lately in a downer. Makes it hard for me to write. I'm going to try harder to write while severely depressed. Hope it works. Hope you are well and thanks for the concern.