Bright and Sunny Bipolar Afternoon

Ah, it's feeling like spring here in Southern California today.  It's a sunny afternoon without a cloud in the sky.  This has me in a light and jovial mood.  


My depression mutes much of the good mood.  I know it won't last forever.  But I'm certainly not complaining!




Anyway, I thought I'd find some things to laugh about and have done just that.  Here is some funny bipolar stuff I found from around the web.  Hope you enjoy! 

(1) You know you have bipolar disorder when:

• You can identify medication in the dark merely by shaking the container;
• Your drugs help you achieve reality, not escape from it; and
• You know more about mood disorders than your physician, yet still question your bipolar diagnosis.

(2) You know you have bipolar depression when:

• You have been told to “just snap out of it!” more than 3 times today already;
• Your "not talking" becomes the reason others want your antidepressant dose increased; and
• Instead of looking at the weather in the morning, you stay in bed, read about moon phases, work on your mood chart, count meds remaining until refill, and .

(3) You know you have bipolar mania when: 

• Your pharmacist (who you have on speed dial) stops trying to explain side effects of your meds, and starts asking you for information; 
• You can recite half of Homer’s Iliad and your bank account numbers, but can’t remember where you put your keys, car, or drivers license; and
• It's February and you’ve already spent the entire year’s budget.

After getting settled down for their first appointment the psychiatrist made the innocent mistake of asking the acutely manic patient how he was doing overall.  The excited individual replied, "I am fine.  I have bipolar disorder but I'm not crazy.  Crazy?  I was crazy once.  They put me in a room strapped to a chair in the middle.  That bugged me.  Bugs?  I hate bugs.  They drive me crazy!  Crazy?  I was crazy once.  But now I'm on seven psychiatric medications.  I take medication three times a day.  This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have.  Do you know how that feels?  It drives me crazy!  Crazy?  I was crazy once. . ." 


A psychopath may think that 2 + 2 = 5 and could care less.  The neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 and worries day and night.



After the acutely manic individual became relaxed and settled on the couch, the psychiatrist began the first therapy session. 

"I'm not aware of your problem." the doctor said.  "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."   

"Of course." replied the patient.  "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

In a deep depression the patient says, "Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate.  One minute I'm fine, and the next I'm blank!

Doctor asks, "Well, how long have you had this symptom?

Patient replies, "What symptom?"

Two psychologists were silently walking down the hall together.  One turned to the other and said, "Hello, how are you?"  Immediately the other thought, "What does he mean by that?  I hate when he uses psychology on me." 


If you are in a bipolar mania and want to avoid another 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hospitalization), then be careful what you tell emergency officials.  It is best to be selectively obscure, with clarity and sincerity when answering questions from police, emergency personnel, and mental health workers.  This will cloud their ability to recognize that you are delusional.


Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."  Some town members were concerned that the sign was too formal and proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors."  Both doctors quickly disagreed and proposed the catchy phrase "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."  The town's mental health advocates felt this would be politically incorrect and suggested "Catatonics and High Colonics."  As soon as the controversy hit the papers thoughtful suggestions began rolling in: "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives", "Minds and Behinds", "Lost Souls and Assholes", "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", and "Loons and Moons."  Finally, after considerable debate they decided it would be "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." 

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER

1. Thou shalt not worship the bipolar condition.
2. Thou shalt not obsess over dangerous things, people, and places when severely manic or depressed.
3. Thou shalt not doubt, feign interest, or blame the holy chemical imbalance theory. 
4. Remember the ritual of taking your psych meds.
5. Thou shalt honor and not manipulate family or friends.
6. Thou shalt not kill or beat up anyone while in a manic fit, no matter how much ye really want to, or how much they deserve it.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery unless in a manic state.
8. Thou shalt not throw and break stuff that does not belong to thee.
9. Thou shalt allow others to occasionally get a word in edgewise.
10. Thou shalt not covet other people's attention nor send crazy e-mails at odd hours of the night.


Do you have any good bipolar or mental health jokes?  If so, please comment here or you can send it to me at bipolartrail@gmail.com.  


Added 3-17-12.  A son and his father are traveling on the interstate.  There is a bad accident.  Both need medical attention.  The father, a schizophrenic, gets taken to a nearby mental hospital.  The son, believed to have early onset bipolar with schizoaffective tendency, was taken much further to a mental hospital for children.  The physician enters the room to attend to the boy and says, "I can't treat this child, he is my son!"  How is this possible?

Dire Straits with Full-Blown Bipolar Mania

About a week ago a friend in Oregon called me for some advice.  She was very concerned about her brother.  He unexpectedly showed up at her house in a full-blown mania.

Yes, we're talking all the good stuff.  He had delusions of grandeur, nonsensical ramblings, tangential references to God, and frequent, bizarre ranting about things from his past (presumably unresolved issues).  Along with the manic thoughts there were other tell tale signs like racing thoughts, fast/pressured speech, hyperactivity, agitation, pacing, confusion, and the like.

My advice was straightforward: (1) call 911 immediately, (2) explain to them that it is a mental crises so they bring in the mental health team, and (3) work with him to get either a voluntarily or involuntary hospital admission.  

As expected he was found a danger to himself or others and ended up in a 5150 (involuntary hospitalization).  I didn't get specifics about what happened.  I can only imagine.  

This was my first involvement in a mental crisis situation from the perspective of a concerned person trying to help a family dealing with a mental health crisis.  Prior to this my experience with mental crises was about me getting the 5150!

The hospital health team say he is slowly improving but the psychiatrist called for an additional two weeks of hospitalization.  They want more time for the medications to take effect.  Since he objected to the longer stay a mental health court will be assembled to ascertain whether he is okay to be released or should stay longer.

My experience with these mental health courts has been interesting.  Twice I found myself in a 72 hour involuntary hold for acute mania.  And both of those times the psychiatrists attempted to keep me an additional two weeks.

Well, I would have none of that, objected the physician's advice, and had the mental health court convene.  I did this twice and I won both times!

In each case I had already been treated for "blatantly" acute mania in the three days prior.  This caused my mania to subside enough for me to do my thing for the court.  I put on my "I'm okay" face, act mild mannered, acknowledge the behavior that got me hospitalized, express my concerns that I'm okay and do not need additional hospitalization, and answer questions from the judge.

As I said this happened twice, once in 1997 and again in 2002.  Each time the court was convinced I was able to take care of myself and should be released!  Yay, good for me, but I really wasn't fully treated, especially in 2002.

I don't know what the court's assessment of his condition will be.  If he can keep it together for 15 or 20 minutes and say the right things, then it's likely he'll be let go.  But if manic thoughts creep in during court he may be unsuccessful.  I am curious.

The family wants him hospitalized for another two weeks.  I can see why based on what they told me about his madness.  He (as with most who are involuntarily hospitalized) loathes the idea of more psych hospital time.  He probably feels "fine" according to himself but has not been fully treated for the acute mania.

I hope my experience with mania and involuntary hospitalizations provided information that was helpful to them.  It is terrible the family has to deal with the insanity of his bipolar illness.  It was good for me to experience the "other side" of mania, from the family's perspective.  

I've now seen a glimpse of what I put my family and friends through during my manic episodes.  I don't like it.  I am fully committed to never getting full-blown manic again.  It's simply to destructive and dangerous.