Within the cloud are distinct thoughts. For example, the thought about my need to take my car to the mechanic. Another example could be a persistent negative thought from my inner voice that says to me "I am not good enough". I call these individual thoughts cloudlets.
What he had been working on lately was identifying problem cloudlets, separating them from each other, and analyzing them using self-taught psychoanalytical techniques and other mind Jedi moves.
His intent was to address each cloudet separately, but also in the context of his overall cloud. I am intrigued by his self-taught ability to break-out individual cloudlets and analyze them for what they are without being overly impacted by the general mood of his mind's cloud and other problem cloudlets.
I'm going to venture and say the mind cloud of someone experiencing bad bipolar depression is dark and consists primarily of negative cloudlets. And I'll go so far as to say this cloud feels like a thick, gloomy fog that just will not lift.
During bad depression I find it extremely difficult to breakout bad cloudlets for analysis like my buddy. These negative thoughts are intertwined with each other and are overshadowed and impacted by the overall negative disposition of the mind cloud. Almost all of my cloudlets become contaminated with the mind cloud's overall black mood.
Cloudlet Analysis
The key to relief for a depressed mind is learning the ability to separate negative cloudets for analysis. The challenge is that cloudlets are elusive and intertwined with other cloudlets and the overall state of the mind cloud itself.
Once a cloudlet is analyzed, a solution or at least a way forward should materialize. And during the process the original problem cloudlet morphs from being negative to being less negative, neutral, or even positive.
The impact of my difficulty separating unique, negative cloudlets is a inability to objectively analyze my cloudlets for what they are. And forget about finding solutions. I mean, how am I to delineate each cloudlet if I'm constantly being bombarded by negative cloudlets that are being streamed from my dark cloud?
Riders on the Storm
So, each individual suffering from bipolar depression rides a dark, stormy cloud that has mostly negative cloudets. The challenge is developing the ability to address problem cloudets while riding that stormy mind cloud.
Do you identify with this concept where a depressed mind's overall, dark temperament will taint or contaminate individual thoughts?
Image by Vorakorn Kanokpipat
Great post Jeff. I live in a depression cloud quite often. I have the cloudlets in my life as well. Too often I listen to that inner voice that says "you're not worthy to get better," etc. What foolishness. It's true that I probably always will have bipolar symptoms. But it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of good things. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Wayne. Today I woke up in the cloud and have been in a funk all day. And yes, you are right, we are worthy of good things.
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